Stressless Success, Chapter 7: Never Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

Uncategorized Dec 01, 2020

Positive results only come from Positive Action, not from Fear.

Have you experienced fear in your life that has held you back from truly going after your dreams?

Is there a recurring fear that keeps arising in your thoughts and emotions?

Do you know that it is possible to learn how to manage your fears in a way that benefits you?

Well, get ready to learn how to spread your wings and begin to fly and feel the exhilaration of a life of freedom from fear. 

I am not a believer in the concept of jumping forward while gripped with fear. Susan Jeffers wrote a book entitled Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, but I say NO WAY! I suggest that you never move forward in fear. Never do things that you feel extremely fearful about. I want to suggest that you come more into alignment with understanding the fear and where it is coming from and do the steps to soften the fear first. Then, as you come into positive alignment with your goals and take positive inspired action, you have a better chance of success.

In my coaching program, live workshops, and this book, I am teaching you proven tools to help you improve your life and begin living with greater energy and confidence. In the previous chapter, I discussed how to become aware of hidden beliefs and patterns that hold you back and how to create new ones that dramatically support you in achieving a more vibrant and fulfilling life.

An even more profound concern that often arises when someone begins to pursue his or her goals and dreams is FEAR. Fear is a common emotion based on a set of thoughts that often will stop us in our tracks from accomplishing all that we wish for. In this chapter, I am going to teach you how to use fear to fuel progress rather than frighten you. 

Is there a time in your life when fear stopped you from moving forward with something that would have been beneficial?

What didn’t you pursue, such as a relationship or a business in the past, due to fear?

Have you noticed how you used to be more fearless but as you get older, fears have arisen or have gotten stronger?

“You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.”

—DEEPAK CHOPRA 

How do we do that? Let’s first dissect some definitions of fear. When you Google the word fear, here is what you get: 

Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or is a threat.

It is an emotion based on a belief, not necessarily on the truth. Another definition from John Assaraf, a speaker and author who focuses on brain research, is:

Emotion of fear is an automatic response that is based on a real or perceived threat.

John points out that the response is automatic (and immediate) but may be based on a perceived instead of real threat. Both create the same response in your body, whether it is real or perceived, which we address in this chapter.

 And finally, from Psychology Today, we get:

Fear is: An anxious feeling, caused by our anticipation of some imagined event or experience.

You see that fear is simply a thought, a belief, or a perception, which means it may not be real. Yes, fear is an important response to real physical or emotional danger to protect you from harm. Often, however, irrational fear may hold you back from making positive progress in your life. 

It is fascinating to note that the chemical reactions in your body are exactly the same whether the fear is truly protecting you from harm or it is imagined. This is why I like to categorize fear as REAL or FAKE. It reminds me of all of the talk in the media about fake news. Just like you need to assess if something you read or hear is real and based on fact, you need to do the same thing with your thoughts of fear. You need to learn how to separate real danger from just an irrational thought or emotion because when fear increases, motivation decreases. And, it is the fear of failure that stops many people from taking positive action.

Fear is the basis of most stress. We have already discussed that people who believe that stress is bad for their health experience the negative consequences of stress. Even the World Health Organization has stated that “Stress is the health epidemic of the 21st century.” 

Fear and all forms of stress suppress your immune system and affect the chemicals in your brain, which may cause you to act in irrational ways, often creating situations that feed the fear further. On the other hand, the foundation of success, which is health and wellness, means that the healthier you become the clearer thinking and more confident you become and the less you feel fear or are impacted by mild thoughts of fear, which everyone has from time to time.

What do people fear the most? A few years ago, I searched online and found two polls taken in the U.S. to see what people tend to fear. The first one is a Gallop Poll taken of young adults, which listed, in order, their top fears as follows:

Terrorist attacks, spiders, death, failure, war, violence, being alone, the future, and nuclear war. 

Several years ago, Time magazine reported that the most common fear phrases searched online ordered by frequency included: 

Flying, heights, clowns, intimacy, death, rejection, people, snakes, failure, and driving. 

Now things have changed a bit through the years, but it’s interesting and somewhat humorous that spiders and intimacy came before death in the above lists! Sometimes, you simply have to shake your head when you stand back and realize the things that frighten us. Clearly, these are not necessarily rational. 

Fear is basically the concern that something will cause you pain that is either emotional or physical. Physical harm includes death or injury. Emotional harm consists of thoughts such as rejection, loneliness, failure, being judged or ridiculed, or simply that something will be too difficult or you may not get the outcome that you want.

What triggers fear? I put fear triggers into three categories:

  1. Negative Past Experiences—For example, if you broke your leg skiing in the past, you may be afraid to ski again in the future.
  2. Negative Beliefs—For example, you simply believe that you are a horrible skier.
  3. Negative Imaginations—For example, you saw someone on TV suffer from a bad skiing accident and so your imagination creates a similar scenario for you, even if you have never skied before.

Negative beliefs, as we covered in the previous chapter, are untrue recurring thoughts that we are not enough. These create thoughts of low self-worth and low confidence. We respond to fear with a fight response (high stress and cortisol levels), flight response (we run and hide), or a freeze response (we do nothing). Once we understand fear more deeply, we’re able to begin to manage our response to fear or even possibly resolve emotional fears that hold us back.

How to Resolve Fear

Imagine that you are sitting by the lake fishing. The pole and line are poised as you’re waiting to catch a fish. You are sitting in a relaxed manner enjoying the peaceful day when suddenly your pole begins to shake because you caught a fish! Think of this now as an analogy where the fish represents a fear.

The first thing you do is identify the fact that you caught a fear.

  1. Identify the Fear
    Recognize it for what it is, a fear. Take note that a fear has arisen in your thoughts and emotions. Knowing that it is fear speaking is the first key step to managing the fear.
  2. Understand the Fear
    Now look at this fear and see where it is coming from. When you begin to realize that fear is simply a thought that provides you with information, either information about something that is keeping you safe from physical harm or is acting as an irrational stumbling block, then you can begin to live your life with greater clarity, courage, and joy. If you understand that fear is simply a thought, and you know that thoughts can be changed, you can begin to change the fear into something different that is far less scary.

    As Deepak Chopra said, “If you try to get rid of fear and anger without knowing their meaning, they will grow stronger and return.”

  3. Live Healthfully
    As you may recall from previous chapters, being rested and healthy is a key factor in your ability to deal with and manage stress and fear. How can you deal with fears that arise effectively if you are exhausted and living on sugar and caffeine or processed junk food? How can you feel high energy if you are not moving your body, getting exercise, and breathing fresh air? When you are feeling strong and healthy, you feel more positive and capable, as if you can conquer the world. To live healthfully, you need to get plenty of sleep, be well hydrated, get good exercise to energize you and to clear your mind, and include deep breathing. If you need to be inspired with great ideas to teach you how to be healthy, then check out www.sanaview.com.

    Following the basics of healthy living enables your body to be in a constant mode of detoxification. This is critical in relation to fear because we tend to hold toxic emotions in the cells of our fat and muscle. Did you ever notice that when you experience fear you feel butterflies in your stomach? Well, this is an actual physical response to negative emotions. When you feel fear or stress, chemicals and emotions are released in the intestines, which triggers the brain to release cortisol, adrenalin, and epinephrine, which are delivered to every cell of the body. These chemicals are stored in our cells and create repetitive emotional patterns.

    Have you ever known someone going through a detox regimen report that old emotions were coming up (and hopefully out)? This is exactly what is happening. Our fat cells also store environmental toxins, which is why detoxification is key for good health. Now I don’t recommend that someone leap from burgers and fries onto a crazy fast or detox. You need to do it in a healthy way so be sure to visit www.sanaview.com for information and/or contact me directly via [email protected] to obtain professional advice.

    It is fascinating how fear actually can hold someone back from making healthy choices. For example, I have a client who was resisting making healthy changes because she feared that she would lose control and freedom to make the unhealthy choices she was making currently. When she began to realize through working with me that she had far more control and freedom when she began experiencing greater levels of energy, health, and vitality, that fear diminished. It was the fear all along that was holding her back from making good choices. There is no freedom when you are sitting on the couch, overweight with a lack of energy and confidence to enjoy your day. There is no freedom when you are tied to medications to get through each day. Health is freedom, both physically and emotionally.

  4. Be Heart Based Instead of Mind Based
    Fear is trying to protect you in some way. There is great benefit to this so be kind to fear and learn to love the fear for what it is showing you and teaching you about yourself. The heart expresses love and compassion whereas the mind tends to feel more anger and negativity. Try to take these feelings from your mind to your heart, and watch everything soften.

  5. Focus on the Gain Instead of the Loss
    As we teach in our High Performance Coaching sessions, certified by Brendon Burchard of the High Performance Institute, fear comes from a feeling of pain. There are three types of pain that we experience. The first is Loss Pain, in which we are afraid if we do something, we will lose something. We are afraid that if we quit our job to start our own business that we will lose our steady income and benefits. The second is Process Pain, in which we believe that it will be too hard to go after our goals. And finally, the third is Outcome Pain, in which we worry that we may go through all of this effort to try to accomplish something, like lose weight or be healthy, and we won’t get the results we want. All these types of perceived pain stop people from moving forward and doing something extraordinary in their lives. 

    The way to resolve these feelings of pain is to begin to focus on what you will gain, versus what you will lose. We put so much emphasis on the loss instead of all that we will gain. Consider people who are afraid to fly. They think of all that could go wrong versus all that could be so amazing. Think about all of the incredible places they get to visit and all of the wonderful people and food and cultures they will get to experience with their family. Again, we are asking you to consider choosing different thoughts and beliefs that support you as opposed to holding you back.

    Your brain focuses on what you are focusing on and it gives that thing energy and power. If you are fighting cancer, it is far different than bringing in wellness. What fears do you have? What would you gain by overcoming that fear? Make a list and focus on that list. This is where you will find strength instead of being weakened by irrational thoughts.

  6. Make the Process Fun
    If you feel the process will be too hard, then make the process fun. If you feel it is too hard to begin to eat healthy, then get friends together to try some new recipes. Make the process like a game to create enjoyment around it instead of struggle. Learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Fear is not necessarily going to go away, but if you learn to enjoy the process, it minimizes the fear and empowers you to achieve success.

  7. Practice
    Often, we feel fear because something is new to us and we don’t yet have enough experience with it to be confident. We can be like a baby eagle that is getting ready to learn how to fly; the eagle flaps its wings and walks around until it feels enough courage to make the leap. What can you do to gain some competence so that you can gain confidence? Don’t wait forever to be perfect at something to begin, but do try to minimize your fear so that you are more comfortable moving forward.

    Pay attention to anything that you may be deciding upon or moving toward because of some irrational fear. I mentioned early in this book that we first were looking to buy a house in the country or a farm because we feared the economy was going to collapse and that we needed a place to grow food to support our family. It was interesting that it became such a struggle for us to find a place and the one place that we fell in love with and put an offer on fell through. We literally were blocked from buying it. I believe now that if we were to have purchased that property driven by some fear, something bad might have happened. It was only after we realized that the fear was irrational and we came to terms with the idea that we would not need to survive an economic catastrophe, but that it would be wonderful to own a farm, that the place of our ultimate dreams arrived into our lives. Watch all forms of fear and how they are directing your decisions and only make decisions from a solid foundation of clarity and positivity.

  8. Detach from the Outcome
    Do move forward with the end goal in mind and keep your focus on success, but by detaching from the outcome, you release the grip that fear may have on you and is stopping you from proceeding. Just because you do not know the outcome does not mean that you don’t begin. All we can do is have our goals and work toward them by being as smart and upbeat as possible.

    Sometimes, however, things may happen that may impact our plans. Everyone experiences challenges. Knowing that anything that you may lose can be gotten again is very liberating. If you lose some money, just make adjustments or do something else and make more money again. Love, health, pride, etc., can all be gotten again. Watch Sherina’s video (lung cancer client) on our SanaView YouTube channel about how she was able to regain her health again after fighting lung cancer by eating and living well. After making incredible progress, she got off-track and her illness began to reoccur. By simply doing what she knew to do again, she resolved her health challenge once and for all. We actually learn a great deal from any failure, and this new knowledge through experience becomes a stepping stone to success. As Brendon Burchard says, “March forward in joy and faith.”

  9. Accept
    Be willing to move forward with the acceptance and understanding that there still may be some fear as long as what you mostly feel is confidence or positive anticipation. Even the most famous and accomplished public speakers still feel some fear before going out on stage. If you’ve done all that you can to get as comfortable as possible, accept that some fearful emotions may still be there. Be willing to do something even if you still have some concerns. The positive emotions should outweigh the negative, though. Again, do not move forward with gripping fear. Have positive intentions and all will be fine.

  10. Release
    Back to the fishing analogy. You have caught this fish/fear. You’ve looked at it, analyzed it, learned something valuable about it, and now you are ready to throw it back into the water. Write your fears on paper to get them out of your head and then throw the paper away or visualize the action of throwing them out the window. Flush it down the toilet or burn the paper and watch your fears dissipate. As you’ve gained an understanding about the fear and are now somewhat comfortable, release it out into the world because it no longer serves you.

  11. Give Thanks
    These fears are there to protect you, so be thankful for them and watch them begin to fade away. You are wiser now and know which fears are real and which are fake or irrational. You now know how to address them logically and in a more positive manner. Now write all that you are grateful for and watch your energy and confidence begin to shine. Think about everything that makes you happy because a positive outlook ensures a positive outcome.

  12. TAKE INSPIRED ACTION
    Have faith in yourself now to move forward with inspired action, instead of worry and fear. Faith is always stronger than fear so tap into the faith and know that all will be well and that life is something to feel excited about. You are now ready to let go of fear and worry and begin to cultivate courage to go after your dreams with positive anticipation. Never stop trying because you have so much to gain. 

You are ready to move forward with confidence and joy in achieving the life of your dreams. Know that you deserve to have all that you want in life and that the beliefs, patterns, and fears that have held you back in the past are no longer a concern. As Marianne Williamson wrote in her book, A Return to Love: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most
frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO NOW DISCOVER YOUR WINGS AND START TO FLY!

Chapter 7 Secrets to Success

  • I suggest that you never move forward in fear. Never do things that you feel extremely fearful about. I want to suggest that you come more into alignment with understanding the fear and where it is coming from and do the steps to soften the fear first.
  • Fear is a common emotion based on a set of thoughts that often will stop us in our tracks from accomplishing all that we wish for.
  • Fear is simply a thought, a belief, or a perception, which means it may not be real. Yes, fear is an important response to real physical or emotional danger to protect you from harm. Often, however, fears are irrational and may hold you back from making positive progress in your life.
  • Learn how to separate real danger from just an irrational thought or emotion because when fear increases, motivation decreases. And, it is the fear of failure that stops many people from taking positive action.
  • Fear is the basis of most stress.
  • Fear is basically the concern that something will cause you pain that is either emotional or physical.
  • What triggers fear? I put fear triggers into three categories:
    Negative Past Experiences
    Negative Beliefs
    Negative Imaginations
  • We respond to fear with a fight response (high stress and cortisol levels), flight response (we run and hide), or a freeze response (we do nothing).
  • How to Resolve Fear:
    1. Identify the Fear
    2. Understand the Fear
    3. Live Healthfully
    4. Be Heart Based Instead of Mind Based
    5. Focus on the Gain Instead of the Loss
    6. Make the Process Fun
    7. Practice to Gain Confidence
    8. Detach from the Outcome
    9. Accept
    10. Release the Fear
    11. Give Thanks for All that the Fear Taught You
    12. TAKE INSPIRED ACTION
  • Discover your wings and start to fly.

To get your hands on my never-before-seen methods, such as these, to help you achieve more success with zero stress, order your copy of Stressless Success: The Surprising Secrets to a Life of Passion, Purpose, and Properity here. Take back your personal power and change your life for the better—forever!

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